Monday, August 24, 2009

Why I Don't Watch Public Television

I should watch public television.  I'm exactly the kind of person who should.  I'm extremely educated, and I like the arts.  Hell, I've even recently started watching Opera.  Yes, Opera.  I discovered that local theaters show broadcasts from the Met.  I've also discovered that watching Opera is so much better than just listening to it.  

So why don't I watch public television?  Let's take tonight for example.  I came home from work, turned on the tv, and saw a listing for a show called Too Jewish?  It's a taping of a one-man show by a guy named Avi Hoffman.  This caught my eye because I've actually been studying Judasim lately.  I've been reading books and even listening to audio lectures from a Orthodox Jewish website (  No, I'm not converting.  But I study different religions.  They fascinate me.  I've studied Buddism, Hinduism, Taosim, Confucianism, Manicheianism, Gnosticism, tribial religions of various continents, and world mythology in general.  As for Christainity, I was raised Catholic and went to Catholic school my whole life and have just had enough; as for Islam, you're next.  This is your only warning.

So I turned on the program and what did I see: a pledge drive thingy.  What the fuck?  Okay, if you want to ask for money, do it.  Take a minute and do it.  This thing lasted for 20 minutes.  I took a bath, came back, and they were still asking for money.  This is the worst thing you could do if you want people to watch your programming.  Which is a shame; I'm finally watching what I tuned in to watch, and its great.  But pretty soon, they'll do another money thing, and I'll get disgusted and turn it off.  Hopefully, I can find this show on DvD.  I'll already checked Amazon, and they don't have it. 

Oh well, end of rant.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

My First Post

Since this is my first post, I thought I start out with a funny story.

I was recently staying at my friend Mike's house ( while he was away. I had just gotten back from buying food (since Mike has nothing in his fridge except beer) and realized I'd forgotten a few things. I got back in my truck and rushed over to the local CVS. After running in and grabbing a couple of items, I realized that I had to take off my pants.

No, I'm not a pervert. At least, not a public one. As I was approaching the checkout counter, I felt something moving in them that wasn't me. I patted around, felt a sting, and realized: I had a bee in my pants. I was sure it was a bee because, well, I'd just been stung for one, and also because I'd had to let two out of my truck window on the way over. A third must have crawled up my leg without me knowing.

I stood there for five minutes, stranded in indecision. An employee was nearby; I considered telling her the situation and letting her stand in front of me while I pulled my pants down. Finally, I carefully walked to an area of the store that was empty (and had some displays that I could hide behind) and depantsed myself. There was a red mark on my right inner thigh where I'd felt the sting, but there was no bee that I could see. Maybe the bee had gone back down my leg? Aren't bees supposed to die after they sting? And since I'm asking questions: was I about to die from a massive allergic reaction to bee venom? I had no idea since I've never been stung before.

With a lot on my mind, I pulled up my pants and walked back to the counter and paid for my stuff. No one had noticed what I'd just done. As I was getting in my truck, I dropped my pants to my ankles and hopped into the driver's seat.

Red mark, no bee. Then I sucked my stomach in a little.

There was the bee, crawling around on my underwear by my right hip. I gave it a little swat, and it flew onto the steering wheel. It rubbed one antenna with its leg and flew out the window I opened for it. The bee had been through so much already, I decided to be kind.

So endeth my tale of the bee. Hopefully, when the bee tells the story of being in my pants, it will also be kind.

Just Read: A Madness of Angels by Kate Griffin, My Name is Asher Lev by Chaim Potok, The Gift of Asher Lev by Chaim Potok

Currently Reading: A Beautiful Blue Death by Charles Finch